I realise my old posts from multiply were on my blogspot as well. Here are the links:
http://farrer-park.blogspot.com/2008/11/lessons-from-beautiful-wedding.html
http://farrer-park.blogspot.com/2008/11/10-things-you-should-be-aware-of-in.html
Both great reads :)
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Monday, February 22, 2010
Binding Contracts
I found this on my old multiply account, posted on 9 Nov 2008. Thought it made perfect sense.
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All around me nowadays are anecdotes of marriage. Strange coincidence? Or is He trying to tell me something?
Today at church, the preacher mentioned that marriage is not a contract but a commitment. The sermon topic today was not one of marriage, but this short note suddenly came in. I might be over-analyzing and being too sensitive, but it is true, marriage is something that two people commit to and then work at for the rest of their lives. It is not a contract they can break and get out of. After all, what God put together, man must not divide.
I guess it's easy for most people nowadays to view marriage as just a piece of paper. After all, if they lived perfectly fine together in the same house, what need is there to go that one step further on the level of commitment they have to each other. Perhaps it can be viewed that if the scenario was like that, then if they were to take the step towards marriage, it should taken with utmost reverence and importance. I always find it funny that in times of anger and frustration, we humans who are married forget the words we said when we got hitched - "...for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part..." Having financial difficulties or dealing with sickness and ailments are both not easy things to do, and many do bail out if they happen.
Also, as with contracts, many do think if the one they are currently in do not fulfill their expectations and level of commitment, it is fair for them to think of contingency plans. After all, the long-term is at stake here, and perhaps there's something more promising elsewhere. This could be likened to the contract the Singapore government has with Las Vegas Sands. With Sands' big boss in financial difficulty at the moment, the Sg government has searched out previous bidders to cushion the shock should the project be stalled or delayed. The long-term is of course the goal, and if Sands' in trouble, maybe there will be someone else more suited to take its place.
Whilst I do not think Sands will give up so easily, I believe married couples facing problems should do likewise. Commitment is key, and working out the issues should be more important than breaking their "binding contract".
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Half empty, Half full
article courtesy of mypaper.sg
I read this piece from my paper today, about how we can choose to live our life, positively or negatively from the "half-empty" or "half-full" perspective.
So many people, especially Singaporeans, complain. About anything, everything, and everyone. Perhaps it's part of our DNA here, or a result of conditioning since young. I do it too, but I do remember to think about the situation from all angles first, before penning my complaint letter to customer service. Not everyone does this, and many channel their anger and frustration onto others instead.
Do take a read, and learn to re-evaluate your mindset.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Binding Contracts
All around me nowadays are anecdotes of marriage. Strange coincidence? Or is He trying to tell me something?
Today at church, the preacher mentioned that marriage is not a contract but a commitment. The sermon topic today was not one of marriage, but this short note suddenly came in. I might be over-analyzing and being too sensitive, but it is true, marriage is something that two people commit to and then work at for the rest of their lives. It is not a contract they can break and get out of. After all, what God put together, man must not divide.
I guess it's easy for most people nowadays to view marriage as just a piece of paper. After all, if they lived perfectly fine together in the same house, what need is there to go that one step further on the level of commitment they have to each other. Perhaps it can be viewed that if the scenario was like that, then if they were to take the step towards marriage, it should taken with utmost reverence and importance. I always find it funny that in times of anger and frustration, we humans who are married forget the words we said when we got hitched - "...for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part..." Having financial difficulties or dealing with sickness and ailments are both not easy things to do, and many do bail out if they happen.
Also, as with contracts, many do think if the one they are currently in do not fulfill their expectations and level of commitment, it is fair for them to think of contingency plans. After all, the long-term is at stake here, and perhaps there's something more promising elsewhere. This could be likened to the contract the Singapore government has with Las Vegas Sands. With Sands' big boss in financial difficulty at the moment, the Sg government has searched out previous bidders to cushion the shock should the project be stalled or delayed. The long-term is of course the goal, and if Sands' in trouble, maybe there will be someone else more suited to take its place.
Whilst I do not think Sands will give up so easily, I believe married couples facing problems should do likewise. Commitment is key, and working out the issues should be more important than breaking their "binding contract".
Today at church, the preacher mentioned that marriage is not a contract but a commitment. The sermon topic today was not one of marriage, but this short note suddenly came in. I might be over-analyzing and being too sensitive, but it is true, marriage is something that two people commit to and then work at for the rest of their lives. It is not a contract they can break and get out of. After all, what God put together, man must not divide.
I guess it's easy for most people nowadays to view marriage as just a piece of paper. After all, if they lived perfectly fine together in the same house, what need is there to go that one step further on the level of commitment they have to each other. Perhaps it can be viewed that if the scenario was like that, then if they were to take the step towards marriage, it should taken with utmost reverence and importance. I always find it funny that in times of anger and frustration, we humans who are married forget the words we said when we got hitched - "...for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part..." Having financial difficulties or dealing with sickness and ailments are both not easy things to do, and many do bail out if they happen.
Also, as with contracts, many do think if the one they are currently in do not fulfill their expectations and level of commitment, it is fair for them to think of contingency plans. After all, the long-term is at stake here, and perhaps there's something more promising elsewhere. This could be likened to the contract the Singapore government has with Las Vegas Sands. With Sands' big boss in financial difficulty at the moment, the Sg government has searched out previous bidders to cushion the shock should the project be stalled or delayed. The long-term is of course the goal, and if Sands' in trouble, maybe there will be someone else more suited to take its place.
Whilst I do not think Sands will give up so easily, I believe married couples facing problems should do likewise. Commitment is key, and working out the issues should be more important than breaking their "binding contract".
Saturday, November 1, 2008
lessons from a beautiful wedding
i was at a lovely wedding today. Held in a fairly modern church with basement parking and elevator music in the toilet, the service was fun, fresh and all about family and friends. The bride and groom seemed so in love, although most couples do at their wedding, and read out lovely thank yous to friends, family and parents. There was even a surprise performance by the bride for the groom, who was very taken aback but pleasantly surprised. She did a song by Faye Wong, one of his all-time favourites, although she admitted mandarin is her Achilles heel.
There were also some simple and yet powerful messages from the pastor's short sermon. Not that I was taking notes, but because I am in the business of contributing to couples' big step in life, I always find it so meaningful to remember the fundamentals of this all-important institution called marriage. Here are his tips for a wonderful life together.
1. Loving unreservedly
2. Giving up your rights, privileges and freedom and putting someone else in priority
3. Making sacrifices like how Jesus sacrificed Himself for us
4. Doing things first and not waiting for the other party to do what you want him/her to do before you make your move.
5. Changing yourself before expecting the other person to change.
6. If you run out of love for your spouse, ask God to give you that love, and the ability to keep loving.
I hope you might find this insightful.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
10 things you should be aware of in a relationship or marriage
I don't presume to know everything there is to a long term relationship or even a marriage, after all it is a lifelong process. But as an ode to women everywhere, I shall pen my thoughts about relationships, garnered through 10 years of learning and growing with kimmy, and from what I have seen from relationships around me.
1. Perfection
Many women have an idea of the perfect man and maybe the perfect life they will have if they met this perfect man. The reality is, there is no perfect man and no perfect relationship. It's a cliche to say this, but it's really just in your mind. You will probably have to lower your standards on certain things and make certain compromises, but at the end of it all, despite flaws and problems, you will feel that the man you are with is perfect for you, but he is not perfect. I find that having someone who complements you in certain ways would be most desirable. He might hate beef and cheese, but that means you get more of that to eat, even though it means you can't share the same love and joy in it. Appreciating the differences in someone will make it less frustrating in your search for that someone who is perfect for you.
2. Change
Some women think they can change the flaws in their man after marriage, or after they get into a commitment with each other. Women these days are strong, opinionated, go-getter types, who excel in their work and thus, they might treat their man as a "project" they can work on. Truth is, most times, men are impossible to change. There will be unusual and rare circumstances in which men change their habits for the "better", but to expect this is bad too, it might let you down. If it does happen, you will be pleasantly surprised. If not, live with it!
3. Great Expectations
Having high expectations are the worst thing that can happen to anyone. Many times, couples face immense difficulty in their relationships because of pre-conceived notions of how they wanted their partner to be like in their day to day life. It could be something small like lifting up the toilet seat or buying presents for each other, to something big like sex 5 times a week and earning a certain amount of money for the family. In most cases, unsaid expectations and feelings of disappointment will lead to arguments and disagreements. The solution to this would be to re-evaluate your expectations of your partner and also to have open, honest communication - see the next point.
4. Open to talk
As many have said before, good honest conversation is the key to a rock solid relationship. Don't keep secrets, don't harbour grudges, don't keep your thoughts to yourself. If you talked it out and expressed your feelings, chances are you'd realise your partner is going through the same sentiments as you are. Many men, i know, do not express themselves very well. Although this is a character trait that might never change, I encourage women to help their men open up and say how they feel. Remember to do it in a calm and relaxed manner, defensive tones and shrill voices will only serve to clam them up.
5. Living Conditions
If you do decide to get married or to get into a committed relationship, it would be best to live together. Whilst i know in our society how hard it is for people to accept cohabiting, it is a key factor in growing a relationship to greater heights. Living together brings about a whole new set of challenges and tests. Some people while great apart, might not fare so well when brought together under the same roof. A lot of understanding and compromises are required. Not only that, living together also requires some amount of responsibility to each other. You will need to encourage yourself and each other to work things out as well, as opposed to being apart and leading individual lives.
6. Compromise and Sacrifice
This is never easy for most people. Society tells us to be our own person, to strive for individuality. The terms "compromise" and "sacrifice" might even be seen as antiquated terms most heard of in our parents' time. They may seem like "bad words" to you now, but to achieve a long lasting relationship, it is integral you embrace these terms as part of your mindset. Many think that to compromise they are losing a part of their identity, and they will be miserable forever. It takes two hands to clap. If both hands had to "lose a part" of each of themselves, who knows, it might prove to bring them closer and happier?
7. Family and Friends
We watch movies and dramas, Romeo and Juliet, and all the great love stories of forbidden love. Two people deeply in love with each other elope despite objections from each other's parents and they live happily ever after. NOT. It would possibly be ok if you wanted to severe ties with the ones closest to you. If not, it is very important that you integrate your family and friends into your relationship. It would definitely be easier for your relationship, but that aside, it is the ones closest to us who help shape our lives as well. I have seen instances where one party looks in disdain at the other's family, and as such, it became a recurring issue, cropping up often, maybe even every year when Christmas and New Year comes, as those are often family events requiring both to appear together as events.
8. Same Old Routine
Relationships are not like dogs. We cannot always do the same thing over and over and still feel happy about it. Many couples get into a "rut" after some years of being together and it silently gets into their system, making them irritable or bored. They might take it out on each other, blaming the other party for being the cause of it. Always remember that relationships have to be worked at, and even persevered. Take time to do new things together, not apart for fear of drifting away. Having individual hobbies is fine but ultimately you must make effort to spend time together, quality time, and not just having sex.
9. Sexy Time
Sex can get boring after awhile. Nobody has exciting sex 24/7 for 50 years at a go, not even the hottest celebrities with the hottest boyfriends or girlfriends. Many couples think that once the spark is gone, and they don't feel so great about the sex, then they should part ways. They might find excitement in new partners, but ultimately it might come back to square one again. Sure, sex is important, but you must learn to engage your mind as well, and your emotional and spiritual side. Sex with many factors thrown in might even be more explosive than just enjoying the physical pleasure. If all else fails, feel free to explore in the bedroom, talk about your fantasies and desires, role-play, be creative.
10. Tempt Me Tempt Me Not
Never put yourself in temptation's way. Some people feel they are very strong, and their love for their partner, however tested, will never waver. These people are most probably the ones who will fall the fastest. If you put yourself in a situation that compromises your fidelity, it could possibly be your downfall. I'm not saying we should take the easy way out and systematically remove all potential temptations in our lives. That would help tons, but what would help even more is to be aware of the fact that it is easy to fall. When you are aware of it, you will be aware of your feelings to your partner as well, and you will consider carefully first, before you put yourself in certain situations.
1. Perfection
Many women have an idea of the perfect man and maybe the perfect life they will have if they met this perfect man. The reality is, there is no perfect man and no perfect relationship. It's a cliche to say this, but it's really just in your mind. You will probably have to lower your standards on certain things and make certain compromises, but at the end of it all, despite flaws and problems, you will feel that the man you are with is perfect for you, but he is not perfect. I find that having someone who complements you in certain ways would be most desirable. He might hate beef and cheese, but that means you get more of that to eat, even though it means you can't share the same love and joy in it. Appreciating the differences in someone will make it less frustrating in your search for that someone who is perfect for you.
2. Change
Some women think they can change the flaws in their man after marriage, or after they get into a commitment with each other. Women these days are strong, opinionated, go-getter types, who excel in their work and thus, they might treat their man as a "project" they can work on. Truth is, most times, men are impossible to change. There will be unusual and rare circumstances in which men change their habits for the "better", but to expect this is bad too, it might let you down. If it does happen, you will be pleasantly surprised. If not, live with it!
3. Great Expectations
Having high expectations are the worst thing that can happen to anyone. Many times, couples face immense difficulty in their relationships because of pre-conceived notions of how they wanted their partner to be like in their day to day life. It could be something small like lifting up the toilet seat or buying presents for each other, to something big like sex 5 times a week and earning a certain amount of money for the family. In most cases, unsaid expectations and feelings of disappointment will lead to arguments and disagreements. The solution to this would be to re-evaluate your expectations of your partner and also to have open, honest communication - see the next point.
4. Open to talk
As many have said before, good honest conversation is the key to a rock solid relationship. Don't keep secrets, don't harbour grudges, don't keep your thoughts to yourself. If you talked it out and expressed your feelings, chances are you'd realise your partner is going through the same sentiments as you are. Many men, i know, do not express themselves very well. Although this is a character trait that might never change, I encourage women to help their men open up and say how they feel. Remember to do it in a calm and relaxed manner, defensive tones and shrill voices will only serve to clam them up.
5. Living Conditions
If you do decide to get married or to get into a committed relationship, it would be best to live together. Whilst i know in our society how hard it is for people to accept cohabiting, it is a key factor in growing a relationship to greater heights. Living together brings about a whole new set of challenges and tests. Some people while great apart, might not fare so well when brought together under the same roof. A lot of understanding and compromises are required. Not only that, living together also requires some amount of responsibility to each other. You will need to encourage yourself and each other to work things out as well, as opposed to being apart and leading individual lives.
6. Compromise and Sacrifice
This is never easy for most people. Society tells us to be our own person, to strive for individuality. The terms "compromise" and "sacrifice" might even be seen as antiquated terms most heard of in our parents' time. They may seem like "bad words" to you now, but to achieve a long lasting relationship, it is integral you embrace these terms as part of your mindset. Many think that to compromise they are losing a part of their identity, and they will be miserable forever. It takes two hands to clap. If both hands had to "lose a part" of each of themselves, who knows, it might prove to bring them closer and happier?
7. Family and Friends
We watch movies and dramas, Romeo and Juliet, and all the great love stories of forbidden love. Two people deeply in love with each other elope despite objections from each other's parents and they live happily ever after. NOT. It would possibly be ok if you wanted to severe ties with the ones closest to you. If not, it is very important that you integrate your family and friends into your relationship. It would definitely be easier for your relationship, but that aside, it is the ones closest to us who help shape our lives as well. I have seen instances where one party looks in disdain at the other's family, and as such, it became a recurring issue, cropping up often, maybe even every year when Christmas and New Year comes, as those are often family events requiring both to appear together as events.
8. Same Old Routine
Relationships are not like dogs. We cannot always do the same thing over and over and still feel happy about it. Many couples get into a "rut" after some years of being together and it silently gets into their system, making them irritable or bored. They might take it out on each other, blaming the other party for being the cause of it. Always remember that relationships have to be worked at, and even persevered. Take time to do new things together, not apart for fear of drifting away. Having individual hobbies is fine but ultimately you must make effort to spend time together, quality time, and not just having sex.
9. Sexy Time
Sex can get boring after awhile. Nobody has exciting sex 24/7 for 50 years at a go, not even the hottest celebrities with the hottest boyfriends or girlfriends. Many couples think that once the spark is gone, and they don't feel so great about the sex, then they should part ways. They might find excitement in new partners, but ultimately it might come back to square one again. Sure, sex is important, but you must learn to engage your mind as well, and your emotional and spiritual side. Sex with many factors thrown in might even be more explosive than just enjoying the physical pleasure. If all else fails, feel free to explore in the bedroom, talk about your fantasies and desires, role-play, be creative.
10. Tempt Me Tempt Me Not
Never put yourself in temptation's way. Some people feel they are very strong, and their love for their partner, however tested, will never waver. These people are most probably the ones who will fall the fastest. If you put yourself in a situation that compromises your fidelity, it could possibly be your downfall. I'm not saying we should take the easy way out and systematically remove all potential temptations in our lives. That would help tons, but what would help even more is to be aware of the fact that it is easy to fall. When you are aware of it, you will be aware of your feelings to your partner as well, and you will consider carefully first, before you put yourself in certain situations.
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