Am I a worrywart?

I seem to be worrying all the time these days. Will I be predisposing my children to being easily-depressed, unhappy individuals because they are experiencing my emotions whilst they are inside me? I try to cheer up and look at the positive side of things, but sometimes, life really does weigh me down.

Recently, I have had to deal with the passing of my grandmother, the only one I knew. I was sad but I know this is the cycle of life, and she was weak and well in her years. I now worry about my grandfather, whether he will be lonely and sad, and I worry if he will lose his love of life and go too. I feel bad I cannot visit him more often in my state, but I hope to do so in the months to come.

I worry for my father. He spent 3 weeks in the hospital 2 months ago, and came out weak and disoriented. He has recovered his strength and is able to go about his daily chores now, but he is plagued by strange itchiness on his scalp and sudden swellings in his eyes. He eats less and loses appetite easily, and seems to lose weight at every doctor's visit. I encourage him and chide him into eating more but he refuses. I worry he might still be ill, and that hospital doctors are usually too stupid to figure things out until it's too late. He wants to go back to work but I worry he isn't energetic enough. I worry that he worries he will run out of money, and there's nothing I can do to help him out because I can barely make ends meet myself.

I worry for my mother, I hope she isn't stressed out by these events. I worry my dog will be abandoned by my parents on the streets. I worry if it comes down to the crunch, my husband will not accept my dog as part of my life and send her to the SPCA. I worry for my brother who is having problems with his girlfriend, who is also struggling with problems of her own. I worry for their sanity, their life, and their future (although I know it's none of my business).

I worry for my business, whether I can cope with family and work. I worry if I'd have enough financially to help my husband support the house and home. As it is, food and petrol are getting so expensive it's just ridiculous. I worry if I'd be able to be a good mom. I worry if my in-laws will have problems taking care of two little ones, especially since my father-in-law is quite hard-headed and bigoted in thinking sometimes.

I also worry if my babies will be ok. They are so happy kicking around in my belly now I really hope and pray they will be happy, cheerful babies who are smart, have great eyesight and hearing, natural talents and abilities...and not worry all the time like me. I worry if I can survive the birthing and healing ordeal (although many friends have, and if they have, I will too?).

There's also the extremely depressing event that is the March 11th Sendai earthquake, coupled with a few others in the region, and some volcanoes spewing ash and lava for good measure. Will everything be ok again for the people in the affected zones? Or is this the coming of the end of the world?

So am I a worrywart? I certainly believe that without God, I'd be a wreck now. I have to constantly remind myself of that though...that He will be there for me, to carry me and lead me. I am thankful I still have savings, that I have a roof over my head, the means to buy baby essentials, and the tremendous support I have been receiving from friends and family. Am I just hormonal? After all, a life-changing event is going to happen soon, perhaps I am stressed out by it? And I can't share my feelings with my husband – men just aren't hardwired to understand why some women experience worry for others on such a deep level.

It's my birthday...

Today's my birthday and traditionally, I'd be filled with mixed emotions, maybe with a dash of depression, some wistful longing...blah blah... But the year that has passed has been filled with many happenings, and the year ahead holds exciting ones. So being in much better spirits, I would like to take this opportunity to make a dedication to some very lovely people in my life.

My husband, for helping me all these many months, for doing the washing of the toilet, for not messing up the house, and for assisting in keeping the home as neat and clean as possible. Many thanks also for painting the nursery and moving furniture, and for building two chest of drawers, and general menial work. He's my strongman around the house, or source of cheap labour. I have been thinking of getting him a Timbuk2 diaper bag as a reward, but I know he wouldn't mind even if I conveniently forgot...

Good friend Awwesome Possum. Without this woman, there will be no one to run errands, walk miles, and carry things, as well as do some heavy-lifting and cutting in office. Thank you for your patience, understanding, and for your lovely baby-related gifts. Must thank you in advance for assisting in producing 50 cute little giftboxes for guests too!

My mother-in-law, for helping out in the housework all these months. Without her, I'd have to do backbreaking tasks like dusting, sweeping, mopping, and get very frustrated by all the dust and hair.

My mother, for sewing me bedsheets, pillow and bolster cases, and some blankets, and for enquiring on my health on a regular basis. Thank you also, for looking after Daddy, so that I wouldn't be stressed out thinking of him.

My brother, who is still the messiest person I know, for his recent attempts at being a filial son, ferrying my parents around and taking care of my father when he was in hospital. (You could do more about the messy bit though...)

Agnes and Maxilline, for taking care of Gong Gong and Po Po all these years. For keeping them company at home, giving comfort to Po Po when she was here, for teaching Gong Gong how to use Facebook (!).

All my friends, relatives, and church members, for their care, concern, and well wishes. For the gifts some of them have blessed me with – grateful thanks!

Everybody on Facebook who has wished me on my wall!


Thank you very much for all your love. It is more than any gift I can receive. =)

PS - birthday pic taken was from 2010. I had a slice of cake last night as birthday cake, but forgot the candle and the wish...oops...

In loving memory...

Today is one of those days. A strange celebration of life and death. I will be attending a baby shower, a baby full moon, and a wake.

My grandmother passed away last night. I didn't get to see her since Chinese New Year, and even then, she was fine and alert, though weak and tired.

Popo has been relatively inactive for the past ten years. But most of us attributed it to the fact that she became quite lazy to walk around, preferring to rely on the domestic helpers to push her in a wheelchair, or help her to the living room where she sat the whole day watching TV. She did, however, suffer from arthiritis for nearly 40 years and that was perhaps the worst discomfort. A few years ago, she had a ballooning done on her heart artery. Besides that, and her arthiritis, she had few other problems.

In the last two weeks, her blood pressure and heartbeat dropped drastically. I guess she was just too tired to go on. It's sad for me as she could have become a great-grandma in a month's time or so. Alas, this is not to be.

I shall cherish the memories I have of her, her kindness and love.

Jostling

The babies have been jostling for space in my belly recently. Sometimes, it feels like one of them is pushing the other to make space for herself. And in return, the other one pushes back. It really is quite cute, but the movements are strong and can be shocking.

It's enjoyable to watch them play though... :) Hope my tummy and uterus stretches even more so that they can grow bigger, much bigger.

Birds

I have a fascination with birds.

This is my bedsheet set.


And my bedside lamp.


I just bought these cute brooches from mein.


And stuck up wall decals for the nursery.


I don't even particularly like birds in real life; only in design silhouettes will I use them over and over again. My personalised stationery comes with a bird too!

Mood Board

I saw a lovely nursery studio mood board on designmein...and was inspired to create this. Of course, it is a little late to do a mood board when much of the nursery has been decided on. However, it would be nice just to keep some of these photos which I love, and what better way than to create a mood board. Just for memories.


Also found this on partydress.net...lovely vintage girly theme.

Images from
hellosandwich.blogspot.com
gallery.projectnursery.com
www.thepartydress.net

The suffering of the mommy

This post is a TMI one (too much info). If you think you're going to be bothered by details of bodily fluids, please do continue onto the next post here. :)

Being a mom is never easy. I know this but I have discovered that it starts in the 9 months of pregnancy. In the last one week, I have had a fungal infection resulting in bright-coloured discharge, Braxton Hicks contractions, sharp pains in my pelvic region, hemorrhoids, and leg cramps! Perhaps it's due to stress from my dad being admitted to hospital for a lung ailment, or anxiety in trying to finish a backlog of work...but I have realised that my days of happy pain-free brisk-walking are over!

I have had a relatively good first trimester ― little nausea and morning sickness ― and a great second trimester so far. Third trimesters aren't supposed to be easy and it's probably our body's way of preparing us for the days (and years) to come. Because of this week of pregnancy ailments hitting on consecutive days, I must have emailed my gynae 6 times, surfed a few dozen websites, and called every friend who was pregnant before to ask for advice. Panic strikes, yes. I was terribly worried about preterm labour as well, but it seems so far, I should be fine for now (though it would be hard to think such thoughts when there is pain and discharge!)

Moving on, I have to learn to adjust my diet to include even more wholemeal bread, vegetables, and fruits, and to walk more slowly and climb less stairs. No more long walks or rushing for the bus and train. I think I might even have to buy a pregnancy belt and compression stockings. Heck, I might even have to start paying cab fare.

I hope you aren't put off having kids, if you are a woman and have yet to give birth (and would like to). Being pregnant ain't easy but having the baby kick and punch you from the inside is a truly unique and special experience. Very intimate, and makes you feel very joyful.