Three months on

It's nearly three months since I've gone solo, running Cardblanche by myself. It has been a very busy time, juggling jobs and taking care of the babies at home. I try to do whatever I can when they are napping - emails, tying ribbons, folding stuff... And when I go to the studio I work as hard as can be. It's been somewhat fulfilling and gratifying that I can somehow do this on my own and be able to keep going. What makes it so good is when satisfied clients say thank you when they collect their stationery from me. I try my best to make everyone happy, and I do work hard for my money, so your appreciation really counts in motivating me to do what I love to do.

I must thank heaven as well, for guiding me. I'm always thankful for that. :)

Photo Spam

Photo spam. Just sharing some photos of my babies. :)

End of an 'era', time for a new one

After 8 years, my business partner and good friend, F, and I parted ways. She found a new job, and I found that life with twin girls is nearly all-consuming. There were ups and downs in these past years, but overall I feel it has been an experience like no other. Most people only dream of starting their own business, but we have been there and done that. It wasn't easy, and we struggled, succeeded, struggled again... Methinks the economic recession was a catalyst to people and companies cutting corners, and trimming their budgets. But all in all, I feel we have had provided good quality design work and attentive service, to the best of our ability. Unfortunately, not every client appreciates this, and we have had our fair share of nasty incidents.

Going forward, I hope I can continue to bring in business, do good work, make clients happy, and go home contented with milk powder and diapers for my children. :)

Here's a shot of my new office. And remember, should you need design work or wedding stationery, you know where to find me!

Trials & Tribulations

One of the toughest parts of being a new mom is breastfeeding your child. Before I gave birth, I was determined to breastfeed my twins. How hard could it be? Just let them latch on whilst spacing out in the middle of the night. If need be, I could do one on each side. I read lots of websites on feeding twins and was filled with optimism. Alas, when it came around to doing it, my milk supply came in very slowly, and coupled with newborns who fell asleep halfway through their feed, I was awakened every 30-60 minutes on my first night and was exhausted.

The next day, both babies had high levels of jaundice, and the husband discouraged me from breastfeeding, as breastmilk tends to make jaundice worse. Disappointed, I switched to pumping, and realised my milk levels were actually, quite low. Nevertheless, I continued pumping in hope that the supply would go up. A week later, I started latching on again, hoping that my babies insatiable thirst would increase my milk. Alas, it's been 3 months and despite pumping more frequently, longer, and taking medicines and herbs, nothing has improved. Till today I am still struggling to come to terms with this "loss", should I be happy that my babies are growing chubby and cute anyway? Or should I feel sad that there are many mothers who can provide for all their baby's needs, and I can't even provide for one of my twins?

To add to my stress and woes, my elder twin has a hole in her heart, that whilst small at birth, grew bigger when she was 3 months old. There's hope that it may close up in future, or that it may never affect her health in any way, but for a first-time mom, news of such sort can be worrying and upsetting.

Despite all these, being a parent is very rewarding. The feeling of waking up in the morning and seeing your happy and refreshed baby cooing and smiling at you is second to none. And I will not trade that for anything.

I shall persevere...for another 18 years at least...

Another post at long last...

I haven't had time to add a blog entry, life has been hectic to say the least. The babies are 10 weeks tomorrow and they have grown loads! It is amazing when I look back at their photos from the first few weeks -- so different! From small skinny babies with pointed faces, they are now bigger, plump babies with chubby cheeks! Here are photos of them before and after:



Life wise, thankfully everything has settled a bit, with the babies waking up less in the nights, pooping less and being easier to carry and handle. They even can burp themselves after feeds by sitting up straight, a whole lot more convenient for us! Their heads are more stable now, and they are starting to smile more and interact with us -- I must say, this feeling of your baby (or in my case BABIES) looking at you with adoring eyes is simply magical.

I have also started working again after 2 months, and am learning to juggle work and home. I am grateful to my mother and parents-in-law for helping out many times a week so that I can work 6 hours a day from home or office. I am also highly encouraged by Kimmy, who has been a great moral support, reassuring me that I can be a superwoman, juggling all the duties in my life.

The only thing I haven't done is visit my doggie, who is probably missing me after 11-12 weeks of not seeing her. I think she might scream her head off when she sees me, and I know I owe her an apology and loads of kisses and hugs when I finally see her.

The big op: my account of my delivery

Before I had my c-section, I would imagine the worse, the scariest sensations, and the most excruciating pain. However, because so many friends had done this before me, I imagined that despite all the suffering, everything will be ok in the end. And indeed it was good, but it wasn't even as scary as I thought it was. Here is my account.

On the morning of my c-section, I arrived at the hospital hungry and parched. There was a strict 12 hour fast required and all I could do to quench myself was swallow saliva. I felt a bit like Aron Ralston when he was trapped for 127 hours in the desert, and I pleaded with every nurse to let me have sips of water. But besides the little I was allowed for some tablets, I had to wait.

After a procedure of paperwork, urine tests, and having a nurse shave my nether regions, I proceeded to change into a hospital gown, and all those disposable things they can give you for your hair, body, feet... A bunch of nice nurses made me fill in more paperwork, and then a very wonderful nurse called Narindar Kaur took me to the operating theatre. It wasn't my first time in an OT, but this one was bigger and had more equipment. I was strapped to blood pressure and heartbeat monitors, and the anaethesiologist Dr Sandeep injected a series of numbing chemicals into the sides of my spine. Narindar was fantastic, covering me with a blanket and warm air-blower, talking to me and giving me advice, and making me feel at home (if that made any sense to have an OT as 'home"!) I was asked to curl my back into a "C" shape, but how I could do that with a huge belly, I dunno! I tried my best with a pillow I was hugging. I think there were 3 injections to the back, one of which hit a nerve and was actually a tad bit painful. I was sprayed with icy water on the back as well, which I suppose was to further numb my back to the injections.

There was a long wait after that for my gynae to arrive. Narindar amicably indulged me in chatter, telling me about her children and breastfeeding. I was visibly nervous, and my blood pressure was in the 180 range. It was apparently normal to have it this high with nervousness although I was alarmed. Around me were other nurses and doctors texting on their iPhones and waiting for the operation to start. It was all very casual. When the gynae arrived, everyone snapped into action. Dr Sandeep administered the epidural, which was completely painless due to the numbing injections earlier. I was pleased, I had expected a huge-ass needle to hurt, but it didn't! The epidural was quick to work, and I was moved into a lying position. Dr Sandeep kept touching me with an ice-pack to check if I was suitably numb...I'd say I was numb to my collarbone. A cloth screen was erected in front of me and my legs were strapped to the blood pressure monitors. Kimmy was then ushered in to sit with me at the head of the table, and in 5 minutes, the incision on my bikini line was made. It was all a bit strange to feel pushing and tugging sensations but without any pain. I felt anxious and the blood pressure monitor was skyrocketing, with a loud disturbing beep. Thank goodness Dr Sandeep was reassuring, with a soft calming voice in my ear.

What's next was one of the doctors/nurses pressing hard on my belly, kinda like doing a massage, and then a squawk was heard - Amelie was out! Before I knew it, more belly jiggling and Astelle came out crying as well. They and Kimmy were whisked away in seconds, and I was alone again. More pushing and tugging. I was groggy and it felt so comfortable, like a body massage. I presume the doctors were removing the placenta and other unwanted stuff, and then stitching me up. This part took quite a long while, and I was happy to close my eyes and nap. I felt very tired suddenly. When it was over, they moved me to a recovery room where I was monitored for an hour before bringing me up to the ward. My temperature and blood pressure was taken at (what felt like) 5 minute intervals. I was also attached to a catheter so I need not get up to go to the toilet.

After some time, I was brought up to the ward, which was really cosy and nice (A-class wards at KKH - worth your money!). I then found out that Astelle had been checked into Special Care Nursery for low blood sugar, and Amelie was fine but they brought her for scans on her heart. My parents and in laws were there, and Kimmy, who was a fabulous help in doing everything I could not.

I had a great 4 day stay at KKH, except for the extreme itch I had as an after-effect of the epidural. The nurses were friendly, polite and nice, the lactation consultant Sharon was a tremendous help, and the food was good too! The most painful part was getting up on the second day though. I cannot describe how painful my belly felt when I had to sit up from bed. I forced myself with sheer willpower, and was rewarded because sitting up and even walking felt so much better than lying on the bed and being unable to move. Peeing for the first time was tough too but the nurses were very reassuring and helpful. I shan't describe the contents in the toilet...shall spare you the gruesome details. :)

I am not sure if I would dare to go through a c-section again, but if I had to, I guess I should be heartened that it would heal and everything will eventually be fine.

It's all so surreal...

It's been 3 weeks since I gave birth and it still seems rather surreal. In my home are two adorable little girls (currently having their nap and looking like angels) – my children. I have to pinch myself sometimes to see if I am dreaming...that I finally have the children I've always been praying for. On the other hand, looking after babies is challenging, and I get so tired sometimes I just want to run away, go back to work, back to my previous life.

Again I say, if I didn't have God, I'd be a wreck. I have to constantly remind myself to relax, take a deep breath, and ask Him to guide me and bless me with wisdom and perseverance. Perhaps I should say "we" because Kimmy is going through the same challenges I am. Thank God that he took the whole month off to help me out, together with mother-in-law who has been a wonderful help around the house (she helps us cook and clean and do laundry – yay!).

Moving forward, I hope I will be a good mom, and be able to meet the different challenges children pose. I am grateful for all the help and advice everyone has given me, and I look forward to exciting times with the little ones.

As for now, it's time to get ready for another feed. :)