Trials & Tribulations

One of the toughest parts of being a new mom is breastfeeding your child. Before I gave birth, I was determined to breastfeed my twins. How hard could it be? Just let them latch on whilst spacing out in the middle of the night. If need be, I could do one on each side. I read lots of websites on feeding twins and was filled with optimism. Alas, when it came around to doing it, my milk supply came in very slowly, and coupled with newborns who fell asleep halfway through their feed, I was awakened every 30-60 minutes on my first night and was exhausted.

The next day, both babies had high levels of jaundice, and the husband discouraged me from breastfeeding, as breastmilk tends to make jaundice worse. Disappointed, I switched to pumping, and realised my milk levels were actually, quite low. Nevertheless, I continued pumping in hope that the supply would go up. A week later, I started latching on again, hoping that my babies insatiable thirst would increase my milk. Alas, it's been 3 months and despite pumping more frequently, longer, and taking medicines and herbs, nothing has improved. Till today I am still struggling to come to terms with this "loss", should I be happy that my babies are growing chubby and cute anyway? Or should I feel sad that there are many mothers who can provide for all their baby's needs, and I can't even provide for one of my twins?

To add to my stress and woes, my elder twin has a hole in her heart, that whilst small at birth, grew bigger when she was 3 months old. There's hope that it may close up in future, or that it may never affect her health in any way, but for a first-time mom, news of such sort can be worrying and upsetting.

Despite all these, being a parent is very rewarding. The feeling of waking up in the morning and seeing your happy and refreshed baby cooing and smiling at you is second to none. And I will not trade that for anything.

I shall persevere...for another 18 years at least...